Homework Helper
by Foolsgold Fenrir
Summary: One day after school, Lincoln needs help with his algebra homework but has some difficulty finding help when Lisa isn't around. (Complete jokefic, don't take it seriously. Rated T for some of the dirtier humor and not nice language.)


**_(A/N): In all honesty, this is just a complete shitpost based off of an episode of Leo And Satan called "Algebra Aversion." I was just dicking around late at night as per usual when suddenly at 4 in the morning I got an idea. And this is why I should never write at 4 in the morning, because I'm loopy as hell at that hour. What you're seeing here isn't my brain on drugs, it is my brain late at night. Enjoy, or maybe don't, I dunno._**

* * *

One day, Lincoln was walking home after school. It was raining pretty hard, and the skies were dark and cloudy. A typical sad Monday. The second day of the week and first day of school or work. And it sucks.

But Lincoln wasn't gonna let that get him down. Actually that was a lie. He was. He walked into the house soaking wet and with a frown on his face. He closed the door and dropped his bookbag on the ground.

"Uuuughhh… I hate homework." Lincoln groaned. "Especially _algebra._" He opened up the bag and took out a folder and a worksheet. "I guess I should go to Lisa or something, hopefully she's not busy."

He trudged upstairs into Lisa and Lily's room. Lily was sound asleep in her crib. However, there was no Lisa in the room. In her place was a sticky note on her desk.

"OH MY GOD! LISA TURNED INTO A STICKY NOTE!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Then he remembered something - that's impossible, and humans don't just turn into objects, except in fetish fanfics, deviantART, and weird TV shows. But this wasn't that kind of fic. And with that, he sighed a sigh of relief. "Phew, I'm glad that didn't happen. But what does it say?" He picked up the note and read it aloud. It said:

"_Dear whom it may concern._

_I will not be available at the moment because I am at a very important meeting with my colleagues. I am presenting to them my research on fandom shipping and wanted to show them the interesting results. There were a lot, though, so I will be gone for a long time. See you later._

_Signed,  
Lisa"_

Lincoln sighed again. "Aw man, now who's gonna help me with my algebra?" Then he remembered that he had 9 other sisters. He didn't want to bother them, but at the same time, he needed help with his math homework.

His first stop was Lori and Leni's room. He opened the door cautiously, not paying attention to the sign on the door that said "KEEP OUT OR LORI WILL TURN YOU INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL."

Lori was busy on the phone talking to Bobby and couldn't hear his pleas to help him with the homework. So he went to Leni instead.

"Hey Leni, I need some help."

Leni put down the fashion magazine she was reading. "Oh, what is it? I'm, like, totes good with helping."

Lincoln showed her the worksheet. "I need help with my math homewo-"

Lincoln did not get to finish his sentence before Leni ran through the closed door and through the hall screaming at the top of her lungs. Dangit, he forgot that Leni had homeworkophobia. Oh well, there were still 7 other sisters he could ask.

So he walked through the hall over to the next door, Luna and Luan's. He grabbed the doorknob and received the shock of his life, literally. He heard laughter behind him.

"Looks like you've gotten some _shocking _news today! Hahahahaha, get it?"

Lincoln sighed deeper than an emo does when his mom tells him to stop listening to My Chemical Romance and come downstairs for dinner. "Yes Luan, I get it. Listen, I need help with some math homework. Could you help?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Cuz I gotta plan for April Fools' Day!"

"But it's February."

"Well you know what they say, the early bird gets the worm, and the laughs!" Luan walked away laughing again. Since he already kinda opened it before, he was able to push it open.

"Hey uh, Luna could you-"

Luna was sitting at her computer with headphones on, and a low vibrating noise could be heard. She was really into what she was watching, until she noticed him in there. She turned her head towards him and let out a blood-curdling shriek telling him to get out.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! You look busy, so uhh, I'mma go ask someone else." Lincoln said with all the color drained out of his face. He bolted out of the room and down the hallway again. Up next was Lynn and Lucy's room, buuut… did he _really _wanna ask Lynn for help? I mean… she thinks the Sun is a planet (then again so does Leni), and she punches hard (and so does Leni, if you diss the fashion industry). What about Lucy, though?

He got his answer when he accidentally tripped and fell flat on his face in the hall. He turned to see Lucy sitting in the middle with the lights off. She was in front of an Ouija board asking the ghosts why they told her to read Princess Pony. She didn't move an inch. He figured she was busy too, so he went down to the twins' room instead.

In there, Lola was doing her makeup in front of a mirror and eating cupcakes. He went over to her and asked, "Hey Lola, where did you get those cupcakes?"

Lola turned to him and gave him a death glare, her eyes filled with flames of fury. In a deep voice, she growled "_**You do not question the cupcakes. You do not use blackmail on me, I use blackmail on you. If you want to live, you will never question the cupcakes again."**_

Lincoln stepped back and gulped in fear. "Y-yes Lola. I-I came here to ask something though. Can you help me with some math homework?"

"_**No."**_

"Aw okay, thank you for your time anyway. I'll go ask your twin."

He went over to Lana, who was on the other wise of the room on her bed with a laptop on her lap.

"Hey Lana, you got a minute?"

"No, I gotta do research for a school report." Lana answered without looking away from the computer.

"Oh, what do you gotta do research on?" Lincoln asked.

"Stuff on how to train a horse. I dunno why, but that's what they want. No such luck so far, though."

Lincoln took at look at the computer. "Well, there's gotta be _something _that could help, right?"

Lana saw something on the screen out of the corner of her eye. It was a video. "Wait, what about that over there?" She asked and pointed at it.

"Hmmmm…" Lincoln rubbed his chin in thought. "Let's see, it's called, uh… Mr… Hands. I dunno, it's all dark and gritty and I think I see a person." He shrugged his shoulders. "Looks safe to me!" They clicked on the video.

For the next few seconds that the video played, they just sat there frozen and with shocked expressions, wondering what the everloving fuck they were watching.

"I... don't think that's how you train a horse." Lana said.

"...me neither. I take it you can't really help me out with my math homework either, huh?"

"No, I think I'm just gonna sit here and reevaluate my faith in humanity."

"Me too. But first, I have to do something."

Lincoln walked out of the room shaken and terrified. Terrified of both what he had seen and due to the thought of asking Lynn for help. But, he needed to get his homework done and he'll be _damned _if he ends up having no recess again for not doing the homework.

He nervously knocked on the door to Lynn's room. He was met by a calm "come in." And so he opened the door. In there was Lynn laying on her bed, bouncing a tennis ball on the wall.

"Oh thank god, finally something normal." He sighed in relief again. Honestly, he wasn't too sure why he was afraid of her. "So, Lynn… I need help with something."

Lynn kept bouncing the ball. "What do ya need?"

"I asked everyone else in the house, and Lisa isn't here, but I need help with my algebra homework."

"Oh, why didn't you come to me sooner? I'm great at math!"

"R-really? I mean, no offense, but Lisa says you're failing 92% of your classes."

Lynn stopped bouncing the ball. "What about the other 16% though?"

"Well, uh, y'see, that's the thi-"

Lynn leapt off the bed, bared her teeth, and balled up her fists. "WHAT? YOU THINK I CAN'T DO MATH?! _YOU THINK I'M DUMB?!"_ She roared, almost like a lion.

Lincoln shrunk in his spot. "N-no, not at all, no!" He meweled.

Suddenly, Lynn went back to being happy and had a wide grin on her face. "Good, now come on! I'll teach you the magic of numbers and whatever stuff Mars is about!"

"Math."

"Yeah, that stuff!" She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the room, shutting the door. They plopped down onto her bed.

"So, what kinda stuff do you gotta know for today? 2 + 2? 4 x 4? The square root of 169, which is 13, also the worst number in the world because it's bad luck?"

Lincoln handed over the worksheet, which was littered with various math equations. She brought it closer to her face and squinted at it.

"Awwright, here we got '64x divided by 420 under the square root, and that divided by pi- wait…" Lynn pulled it away from her face. "W-wait a minute, _what the fuck is this shit?_"

"It's algebra, Lynn. Our teacher says we gotta learn how to do this the long way because we won't have a calculator with us all the time."

"Okay first of all, that's bullshit. Mrs. Johnson said the same thing to me when I was in 5th grade, but I do. All the time."

Lincoln looked around and at her. "I don't see a calculator-"

"In my _butt._"

Lincoln stared at the jock with a quizzical look for a few seconds and then stopped being surprised. "Oh, okay. But what do I gotta do here?"

"Uhhhh, you gotta… eat the pie…"

"That's a number, not an actual pie."

"No, I got this! I can do this, just gimme a second!"

"C-calm down, Lynn, it's just some math." Lincoln pleaded.

"I got this! Okay, 64x, divided by 420 under the square root-" She slammed the sheet on the bed and stood up. "HOW THE FUCK, CAN IT BE DIVIDED BY PI?! THIS IS SOME IMPOSSIBLE SHIT!"

"Lynn, calm down!"

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF SATAN'S ASSHOLE IS GOING ON HERE?! WHAT THE FU-"

Suddenly, she began transforming and hulking out, growling larger, hairier and scarier by the minute until she was that wildebeest-bear-wolf thing from Beauty And The Beast. Which is better than his human form, because that was a total letdown, but I digress. Lincoln could only watch in horror.

She pointed at the equation on the paper. In a deep, demonic voice similar to Lola's from earlier, she roared, "_**ALGEBRA. YOU CAN KISS. MY. CLITORIS!"**_

Lynn shifted back into human form, calming down and taking deep breaths. She was quite sweaty and her face was beet red. Lincoln stood there petrified for his life. "Oh man, that is some hard homework you got there, lil' bro." She said as though nothing had happened.

Lincoln took another look at the homework and something clicked in his mind. "Wait a minute, if I solve for the stuff on top first, then multiply pi by the result of that, I can get…"

He solved the equation quickly and wrote down the answer, which was 13. Lynn took notice of it and started transforming again.

"What, what's wro-"

Lynn roared in fury yet again, grabbed him by the shirt, and leaped out of the wall, leaving a beast-shaped hole in it. But at least his homework was finished.


End file.
